11.12.2008
Never Good Enough
Today marks a momentous occasion for me. I have finally been rejected for not being drunk ENOUGH.
11.11.2008
10.16.2008
10.02.2008
I MEAN, JESUS!
Props to Newsweek, for furthering my already sky-high confidence that Sara Palin's VP nom is a sign of the Apocalypse.
Cancel My 9AM Class & I Steal Your Couch
UCF was nice enough to cancel my 9am History of Western Art II class this fine Fall morning with absolutely no advance notice, so I've made myself at home. Couch in the library, shoes off, laptop & cell phone in use, indian style taking up all seats, NY Times spread out. Indeed, if I can't drive the 20 miles back home to College Park until my next class, I'll make a fuckin' home in your 'brary. See Fig. 1.
Fig. 1.
So, what did this abrupt cancellation of my class cost me?
1.) Approx 3 hours of sleep. Next class at 11:15, could have slept until 10. Instead awoke (barely) at 7am, slithering out of bed leaving a glistening slim trail in my wake. I hate getting up before it's light outside, and my Mono hates it even more.
2.) This much driving:
School = Not Close to My House. Gas = Not Cheap. My Time Also = Not Cheap. The easiest math.
3.) I had to spend a good 30 minutes stuck with this freak from my 3D sculpture class who talks like he's on acid (all the time). I made a whale of a mistake by mentioning to him (in a desperate clamor to talk about something other than his non-rep sculpture piece for our class) that the $700 billion bailout was approved by the senate. He then launched himself into some unintelligible Richard Linklater-style rant about the trickle down effect (don't know what that is), and his US Citizenship. I mean, WHAT the fuck!? I suppose I could have come up with some half-baked excuse and gotten away, but again, it's about 8:50am at this point.
So thanks a lot, UCF! Thanks for positively FLOODING my Gmail inbox with 10 e-mails a day, all of them next to useless. Let's take a look! Here's a sample of the how much UCF e-mails me, and the invaluable content therein.
That's just from the last 2 days! That's 9 E-MAILS! Not to tell me that my class is cancelled, nor to tell me that President Bill Clinton will be speaking at school (except for one, the day of, informing me of road closures). Seriously...this is the 6th largest campus by student body size IN THE NATION. There are 50,000 kids here. That's 450,000 e-mails sent out, clogging the arteries of our web-based e-mail like a trip to the Golden Corral.
Hey, UCF! Fuck you! At least I got to write this post.
Fig. 1.
So, what did this abrupt cancellation of my class cost me?
1.) Approx 3 hours of sleep. Next class at 11:15, could have slept until 10. Instead awoke (barely) at 7am, slithering out of bed leaving a glistening slim trail in my wake. I hate getting up before it's light outside, and my Mono hates it even more.
2.) This much driving:
School = Not Close to My House. Gas = Not Cheap. My Time Also = Not Cheap. The easiest math.
3.) I had to spend a good 30 minutes stuck with this freak from my 3D sculpture class who talks like he's on acid (all the time). I made a whale of a mistake by mentioning to him (in a desperate clamor to talk about something other than his non-rep sculpture piece for our class) that the $700 billion bailout was approved by the senate. He then launched himself into some unintelligible Richard Linklater-style rant about the trickle down effect (don't know what that is), and his US Citizenship. I mean, WHAT the fuck!? I suppose I could have come up with some half-baked excuse and gotten away, but again, it's about 8:50am at this point.
So thanks a lot, UCF! Thanks for positively FLOODING my Gmail inbox with 10 e-mails a day, all of them next to useless. Let's take a look! Here's a sample of the how much UCF e-mails me, and the invaluable content therein.
That's just from the last 2 days! That's 9 E-MAILS! Not to tell me that my class is cancelled, nor to tell me that President Bill Clinton will be speaking at school (except for one, the day of, informing me of road closures). Seriously...this is the 6th largest campus by student body size IN THE NATION. There are 50,000 kids here. That's 450,000 e-mails sent out, clogging the arteries of our web-based e-mail like a trip to the Golden Corral.
Hey, UCF! Fuck you! At least I got to write this post.
9.30.2008
I-4 and Re-evaluating your life
Instead of worrying about such mundane things as weather or not my all-over print shoes match my Urban Outfitters clearance-rack shirt, or what disgusting fast food grease pile I will consume for lunch on my grueling 4 hour break in between classes at UCF, I need to start worrying about what's important.
For instance: the fact that at any given time on any day of the week I could die on I-4 and it's a miracle that I don't. Maybe every day before I merge onto the freeway-equivalent to the Hydra I should take the 3 minutes or so I have driving in local traffic to thank the great Whoever for the abundance of gifts in my life. The birds in the trees, my lovely home and beautiful friends, a full head of hair, straight teeth, etc. Why would I do this? Because the blunt instruments that are allowed to drive around on I-4 handle this privilege with the grace of a lobotomized UFC fighter. Every second I spend on that death trap is indeed a gift from beyond, and that I survive my morning commute on this monster every day a cause for celebration in itself.
Of course I can only attribute a fraction of survival to my own driving prowess. I'm not much better than half the people on the road. As technology has progressed, driving skills have plunged into the toilet.
For instance, today I was thumbing through my iPod in the midst of sending a text to my friend as I glanced at my watch, all the while maneuvering my Mazda effortlessly through the sea of cars with a scant 2 fingers on the wheel. WHAT! No one pays attention to driving. Take a look at this graph:
This does not bode well. Forget about the global financial crisis and worry about something that really affects us!
For instance: the fact that at any given time on any day of the week I could die on I-4 and it's a miracle that I don't. Maybe every day before I merge onto the freeway-equivalent to the Hydra I should take the 3 minutes or so I have driving in local traffic to thank the great Whoever for the abundance of gifts in my life. The birds in the trees, my lovely home and beautiful friends, a full head of hair, straight teeth, etc. Why would I do this? Because the blunt instruments that are allowed to drive around on I-4 handle this privilege with the grace of a lobotomized UFC fighter. Every second I spend on that death trap is indeed a gift from beyond, and that I survive my morning commute on this monster every day a cause for celebration in itself.
Of course I can only attribute a fraction of survival to my own driving prowess. I'm not much better than half the people on the road. As technology has progressed, driving skills have plunged into the toilet.
For instance, today I was thumbing through my iPod in the midst of sending a text to my friend as I glanced at my watch, all the while maneuvering my Mazda effortlessly through the sea of cars with a scant 2 fingers on the wheel. WHAT! No one pays attention to driving. Take a look at this graph:
This does not bode well. Forget about the global financial crisis and worry about something that really affects us!
2.22.2008
The Pony Express gallops its way into my heart.
The USPS is amazing! It's been bringing me joy by the box-full. The most amazing assortment of things have come in the mail in the past week or so.
(1) Bill from PBA college for $70 (boo, try and take it!)
(2) Scarves to protect me form the blistering Florida cold
(1) Cufflinks, pair
(1) CD, Simian Mobile Disco's ATTACK DECAY SUSTAIN RELEASE
(1) card that plays the Star Wars theme song when you open it
(1) Star Wars cross section book, booya!
(1) Amazing encyclopedia of MOST ULTIMATE nerd proportions about the Lucasfilm props from Star Wars & Indiana Jones.
COMING SOON FROM MY MAILMAN:
(1) Boba Fett Mimbot USB drive which has been on Pre-Order since before Christmas. CANNOT WAIT! EXCITED FACE:
(1) Bill from PBA college for $70 (boo, try and take it!)
(2) Scarves to protect me form the blistering Florida cold
(1) Cufflinks, pair
(1) CD, Simian Mobile Disco's ATTACK DECAY SUSTAIN RELEASE
(1) card that plays the Star Wars theme song when you open it
(1) Star Wars cross section book, booya!
(1) Amazing encyclopedia of MOST ULTIMATE nerd proportions about the Lucasfilm props from Star Wars & Indiana Jones.
COMING SOON FROM MY MAILMAN:
(1) Boba Fett Mimbot USB drive which has been on Pre-Order since before Christmas. CANNOT WAIT! EXCITED FACE:
9.26.2006
change
Since I started this blog and made a grand total of 3 posts, I've moved into a new home, purchased a new printer and computer, and gone to Islands of Adventure. Life right now does not leave much to be desired.
Except for I could do without my coworkers.
All of them.
Except for I could do without my coworkers.
All of them.
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