change

Since I started this blog and made a grand total of 3 posts, I've moved into a new home, purchased a new printer and computer, and gone to Islands of Adventure. Life right now does not leave much to be desired.

Except for I could do without my coworkers.

All of them.

ignorance is bliss

an interesting thing happens after you've worked in retail for a while: perspective.

for instance, i know that when i was working @ publix, blockbuster, in a juice bar/bakery etc., i would with full knowledge ignore customers to the fullest extent possible. only when their patience would finally wear so thin that they would finally exclaim a throat-clearing or an "excuse me," or even worse still: "can someone HELP me!?"

what irony, that i should be employed to herd these sheep, to guide them on their way to great customer service. and yet...nothing infuriated me more. the thought of actually having to move a muscle to fulfill someone's request becomes almost enough to make you verbally abusive.

"no i won't make your FUCKING mixed-greens beverage with lemon and a garlic wedge and organic grapes! i'm busy thinking about what albums i'm going to bit torrent later! now take it on down the road, you rich yuppie!"

it got to the point that when an obese person would order a large smoothie, i would have to force myself to keep from saying "i think a small would do, tubby."

back to perspective.

today i went to home depot. now, if there's one thing i'm not, it's good with tools. or home repair. the mere task of navigating the aisles of home depot is daunting to me, because who the fuck can find anything in that mess? hex-head screws and s-hooks are strewn about the floor, and no one gives a god damn! to be short, i hate home depot.

i tried for about 1 minute to find things on my own, to gain my independence. after a minute i was drawn into a panicked frenzy: how was i going to find anything in a place this huge!? i did what any other customer (the roles now reversed) would do: i searched for help from an employee.

with my experience from my jobs past and present, i knew that the one thing employees hate is being asked for help, especially from a guy with a list of issues like mine. so i stood there. i stood and made eye contact with every home depot employee that walked past me. i thought at them as hard as i could:
i'm really sorry but i'm lost and confused in a strange place as large as Rhode Island, and i know you hate it but if you just help me find the things on this list i'll never come back.
i begged with my eyes, pleaded even. and they knew! they would smile and say "hi there." and keep walking, each of them avoiding the ticking time bomb of "help me find this" that they knew i would become if they ventured further conversation.

finally i became my enemy: i walked up to the nicest looking girl i could find, a girl who probably couldn't identify the difference between a hack-saw and an ice cream cone, and i wimpered: can you help me find some things? she obliged, and sold me a wire cutter that didn't even do what it was supposed to. all that for nothing. i have to go back to home depot, and return it, and then face the nightmare again. can you help me?

it's hard to find good help, but even harder to ask for it. that ignorant cow.

a side note...

i'm on my couch watching the katie couric show (she's thebomb.com), and the president of our nation just said "reasonableness."

god help us.

i can see the head! (or, why i'm really upset with epcot chefs)

and so i slide from the birth canal of livejournal into the waiting, gloved hands of blogger. here goes nothing.

i have a moderately healthy (detrimental only to my wallet) obsession with disney world (and other theme parks-i don't discriminate). i file my disney memories in the same metaphorical cabinet as memories of santa claus, child laughter, and the smell of cookies baking. today at the place where i work, which happens to be a whole foods market, we had chefs from epcot come to do a cooking class for all of the slack jawed pseudo health nuts we could cram into our classroom.

wait.

let's go back a few days to when i was really excited about this. i looked forward to the impending visit from the food gods of epcot as a magical experience, a chance to meet and work with the people who have made so many of my dining experiences at disney world delicious (and fucking magical).

wait.

fast forward to when i found out that these mickey mouse chefs weren't cooking their own food to hand out to the "students" in the class, that our store would prepare all the samples to be consumed after the class. i found out that they had a list of demands six pages long, which we were to provide at our expense. i found out that i was going to have to help make this happen, despite my normal everyday workload.

impostors! it was a sham! a fake! charlatans, the both of them! and we were raffling off disney tickets to the luckiest fatty in the class. all of this, it seemed, was a plot to pimp disney's food and wine festival. a show. that's all it was. and those douchebags would take all the credit for the delicious food.

i still love disney world. i love you...but i don't have to like you right now.